At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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