i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
