Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
