Whatcha textin bout Willis?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
