i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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