I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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