1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
