I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
