do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
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I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
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Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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