We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
