Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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