Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You don't make any sense
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