On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
