i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
