I think i peed on brittanys purse
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
