please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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