so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I need water and some morals
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
