is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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