Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
