she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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