i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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