i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
