...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
