Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
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The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
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I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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