people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
