Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
