You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
