So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
