i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
