Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
