HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
