every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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