wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
