So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
