I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
