Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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