Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
