I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ambien. No doubt about it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
