I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
