8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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