I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
