Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
