Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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