Girls should come with a carfax report
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
