Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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