I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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