why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
