it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize