So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
