I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
