apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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