My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
