Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
