Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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