his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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