Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
