I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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