i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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