i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
